10 Signs You’re An Unhealthy INFJ

Responsible, mature, passive, and understanding, the average INFJ personality type may seem as if they’re always well put together, but the reality of the matter is that all INFJs go through phases where they are unhealthy for a variety of reasons including stress, poor environment, and avoiding their needs - and recognizing some of those signs can avoid mental burnout and toxic behaviors. Welcome or welcome back Rediscovermind! Today we’ll be talking all about the 10 signs you could be an unhealthy INFJ.

Number 1:

You flee disagreements instead of listening to the opposing argument While it’s fair to say that most INFJs would prefer to flee a debate rather than fight it, an unhealthy INFJ has no time for hearing another person’s view on the matter’s that they hold close to their hearts. Instead of the usually friendly debate that most INFJs crave in order to better understand the perspective and viewpoints of others, an unhealthy INFJ may state their opinion with a close-ended view, making it obvious that it’s not up for discussion. An INFJ who is yet to understand their stubborn tendencies can become very attached to their subjective viewpoint to the point of defending it at all costs, even if that means just getting the final word. This ‘flight’ response during debates can be caused by a number of factors or past experiences that the INFJ may have been through, however, this quality tends to be developed when they repress their extraverted feeling functions.

Number 2:

You help people to the point of resentment INFJs are helpers, in fact, it’s quite well-known through the MBTI community that INFJs are one of the most empathetic and caring types out there. However, the job of extreme empathy mixed with the obligation to be everyone’s superhero can become extremely exhausting.. And for an INFJ who has yet to practice their boundary-setting skills, it can become very toxic. For a healthy INFJ, it’s much easier to keep a balance between making sure other people’s needs are met and also making sure they are still feeling the joy of helping. They are able to effectively feed off of other’s happiness and harmony while still making time for their own needs and wants. For an unhealthy INFJ on the other hand, they can have a tough time saying no which usually results in harboring bitterness towards the people they are helping. They may even keep a mental checklist of all the things they’ve done for that someone and compare it to how little is done for them in return.

Number 3:

You’re overly sensitive and self-absorbed Let’s just say, an unhealthy INFJ has a difficult time not taking everything personally. When an INFJ doesn't quite understand their sensitive nature, they can view every form of criticism as a personal attack, and can quickly create a victim mentality. Because INFJs are already naturally perfectionistic and hard on themselves, for an unhealthy INFJ who doesn’t take the time for self-praise and accomplishment-reflecting, a simple critical comment can act as the tipping point to their self-sabotage and isolation. They may use the ‘misunderstood misfit’ attitude as a way of coping with or covering up their hurt feelings, ultimately leading them to ‘door slam’ for the sole reason that their feelings were hurt when in reality, there were probably no malicious intentions.

Number 4:

You overthink the body language and comments of others INFJs have an undeniable gift of reading people. They use people’s energies, moods, body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and wording to analyze how they’re feeling, what they’re thinking, and even whether or not that person is enjoying the INFJ’s company. A healthy INFJ is able to use these gifts as a part of a bigger picture, without taking things out of context. An unhealthy INFJ, however, is hypersensitive to these cues making them overly paranoid about what others are thinking of them. Since an insecure and self-conscious INFJ craves a lot of reassurance and validation from others, they can make misinterpreted conclusions of body language or harmless remarks as signs of people disliking them or maybe even like them more than they really do. They may ruminate about simple gestures on their own time, fabricating different meanings behind seemingly unimportant acts of communication - which really doesn’t help anyone.

Number 5:

You make excuses for other people’s toxic behavior INFJs are naturally equipped to see the good in everyone. They have the innate ability to see things from the perspectives of others and can relate to how most people feel, even within toxic situations. While this comes as a gift, allowing this empathetic type to help others, INFJs sooner or later realize that this ability needs some serious boundaries in order to work in their favor. For an unhealthy INFJ, they may overlook obvious red flags and questionable experiences because they are so sidetracked by wanting to help someone. This leads to making excuses for people’s toxic behavior, ultimately allowing people to use and walk over the INFJ however they please. Not only can an INFJ make excuses in their own minds by lying to themselves, but they may also make excuses to concerned family and friends that see the conflict from the outside looking in.

Number 6:

Your isolation has become excessive The introverted INFJ is no doubt, private by nature and known for opening up to others very slowly, one layer at a time. And while isolation and solitude are something that all INFJs can agree they need in their lives, a healthy INFJ can take their privacy to the extreme. An unhealthy INFJ who lacks trust in the world and the people in it can almost completely shut down their true thoughts and feelings out of the fear of being judged or misunderstood. They won’t reveal themselves to anyone, including their romantic partner, friends, and family, which ultimately leads to a very lonely and depressed state that is even more difficult to dig themselves out of. Like any person, INFJs need a healthy amount of social interaction and confidence in sharing their feelings in order to feel like themselves.

Number 7:

You experience INFJ “grip stress” When it comes to an INFJ ‘grip stress’ reaction, the normally self-disciplined INFJ becomes overly impulsive and unstructured. They can become abnormally focused on indulgent sensory experiences such as binge-eating, over-exercising, binge-watching Netflix, money spending, and other behaviors that are usually unlikely for this perfectionistic personality type. An INFJ can use this grip stress in hopes to quiet their overactive minds and ground themselves into something enjoyable and physical, and while it’s not entirely unhealthy behavior to act on this grip stress every once in a while, an unhealthy INFJ may find themselves doing this repeatedly - especially during particularly stressful times. Not to mention, overly disciplined behavior with no self-care can also lead to this grip stress reaction, so balance is key.

Number 8:

Your ego has taken over your gifts If you ask any INFJ if they feel different from the rest of the world, their answer will most definitely be a yes. And while most INFJs feel so different from other people, healthy INFJ uses their differences to their advantage by helping others with a non-judgmental attitude. For an unhealthy INFJ, this indifference can be interpreted very differently. An unhealthy INFJ can become overly pretentious about their gifts and abilities, concluding that they are better or more valuable than other personality types. They may automatically negatively label other types, seeing perceivers as lazy, thinking types as cold-hearted and sensing types as narrow-minded - when the reality of the matter is that all types have their strengths and weaknesses.

Number 9:

You experience a whole new level of perfectionism Perfectionism is nothing new to the INFJ, but when it comes to an unhealthy INFJ, perfectionism is an understatement. While evolved INFJs are able to use their perfectionistic ways to encourage them to create and to the best of their abilities, unhealthy INFJs can easily become trapped in a toxic cycle of self-criticisms and unrealistically high standards. It’s as if they have an inner critic that is constantly rebuking every decision they make, ultimately burning the INFJ out through their relentless approach. They may re-read every text before they send, overthink the words they use when speaking, spend an unnecessary amount of time on simple tasks, and so on. It’s exhausting and unnecessary, to say the least!

Number 10:

You forget how important it is to pay attention to themselves Although it may seem like an INFJs overall goal in life is to help others, they actually have a deeper motive that involves self-growth and learning. So, while many INFJs go through phases of feeling overly responsible for other people's happiness and well-being, they need to find a balance between giving to others as well as themselves. An unhealthy INFJ may feel as if their own emotions and feelings were put on the backburner in order to make the time to help others, and while that’s not unlikely of an INFJ to do, it’s important to remember to bring those emotions back to the front burner to be dealt with effectively. Overall, an unhealthy INFJ can simply forget that they matter, so it’s important for them to keep in mind that in the grand scheme of things, nobody around them is getting help if they’re stuck pouring from an empty cup.