What Makes INFJ Relationships So Difficult?

With kindness and empathy being at the forefront of everything an INFJ does, you’d think that relationships with this caring type would be a breeze. And sometimes it is. However, ironically, the INFJ is also considered to have the lowest relationship satisfaction of all 16 personality types, so. How can this be? Welcome or welcome back to Rediscoverment!

Today we’ll be talking about the 8 things that make relationships with INFJs so difficult.

Number 1:

Self-fulfilling prophecies With such an elaborate mind that is constantly creating different scenarios and possibilities of the future, there's no doubt that INFJs can convince themselves of certain truths. Being the idealist type they are, INFJs can even use this imagination to anticipate the negative scenarios of their romantic relationships, knowing that indifferences are to be expected. In fact, INFJs want to know these indifferences as soon as possible in order to really weigh out their options of whether or not they want to stick around to deal with them. Call it a defense mechanism, or a preventive measure for future heartbreak, regardless of the reasoning, this habit actually creates more havoc than it solves. One of the main reasons for this is because INFJs end up self-fulfilling these fabricated prophecies by behaving as if it’s already concluded. For example, if an INFJ becomes skeptical of a new partner being unfaithful, they may distance themselves from that partner with no verbal explanation. Ultimately leading them to either leave or look elsewhere for attention. So while in an INFJ’s eyes, it may seem that they dodged a negative relationship - in reality, they only sabotaged their chances.

Number 2:

They are always watchingINFJs are always observing. And as we know from the first point, they tend to make their own conclusions about things that may not always be 100% accurate. So, when an INFJ is in a relationship with someone similar to themselves - someone who is individualistic, preferring to keep some things private, it can feel nothing short of irritating to feel like they’re constantly being watched. While this attention may be flattering to some people, especially during the honeymoon phase, the INFJ’s analytical nature can surely take its toll, especially when there’s some skepticism to fuel it. Now, it’s not entirely fair to say that INFJs are ‘always’ watching because they do enjoy their fair amount of alone time escaping this continuous analytical behavior. But one change to their energetic environment and their entire attention can be shifted onto that subject or person.

Number 3:

They can get hurt over the small things there's no question as to whether or not the INFJ personality type would be considered one of the more sensitive souls of the 16 personality types. The INFJ tends to not only struggle with difficulty when facing most criticisms in life but they also can be considered quite jealous and sensitive partners when it comes to romantic relationships. Their over-analytical minds can easily pick up on subtle things that other people would completely overlook, the unfortunate aspect is that they usually mentally blow things out of proportion. It’s almost as if INFJs take the information they observe back to their layer of the inner workings of their mind and question it until possible conclusions begin to arise. Rather than communicating first, INFJs need time to analyze the information from all angles, but when they’re hurt, this analysis can come from a very biased and emotional place.

Number 4:

They want to better their partner Actually, it’s not only their partner that INFJs want to be better. In fact, it’s the entire human race! INFJs are natural helpers and healers, so it’s not unfamiliar for them to be drawn to people who may need a little fixing. Ironically, sometimes the other person doesn’t necessarily see themselves as someone who needs improvement. And this is where this empathetic trait can get a little ugly. When it comes to romantic relationships, INFJs want to know that their helping nature won’t be taken advantage of, but also that it will be challenged and put to good use. This paradoxical trait can surely seem as if the INFJ is discontent with how their partner is on their own accord resulting in feelings of inadequacy and even belittlement. People want to be accepted for who they are, especially when it comes to romantic partnerships. Yet, while INFJs don’t necessarily judge people for their character, they can’t help but see the potential in everyone - ultimately driving them to try and push their partner to achieve that potential, sometimes against their desires.

Number 5:

They experience bouts of loneliness Everyone experiences loneliness at one point or another throughout life. Yet for an INFJ, the feeling of loneliness isn’t always because of a lack of social and emotional connections. In fact, this misunderstood type can feel the most lonely when surrounded by some of their closest people because it stems from a lack of feeling understood rather than a lack of physical people present. So, with no surprise, this INFJ loneliness can easily weasel its way into their relationships, causing them to at times feel completely alienated from their spouse. This may cause them to become temporarily distant and moody seemingly out of the blue. And while INFJs usually know how to navigate this estranged feeling when it pops up unexpectedly, it can still be very difficult for the person on the receiving end. I mean.. Don’t we all want our romantic partner to feel accepted, included, and understood above all things? Well. INFJ loneliness is just one of those things that need to be accepted as part of the package deal.

Number 6:

They want to communicate even the slightest issues In hopes of feeling accepted and understood as much as possible, INFJs know that communication is key. While they may ruminate on the things that bother them within their relationships in order to conclude if it’s worth discussing, INFJs usually inquire about bothersome issues before they cause disruption. This highly sensitive personality type requires harmony in all relationships in order to feel truly content in life and they’ll do whatever it takes to maintain this peace. And although they know how to effectively communicate in a calm and open-minded manner, sometimes the issues can seem so obsolete and frequent that they can come across as if they aren’t satisfied in the slightest. At times, it can seem like the INFJ is purposefully pointing out the flaws when in reality they are just trying to clear up any potential discrepancies down the road. Unfortunately, this system takes away the INFJs focus on the good in their relationships.

Number 7:

They’re quite particular with their surroundings If you move in with an INFJ, don’t be surprised to find out they have assigned designated areas to put your things. INFJs are not only quite particular about their surroundings but also with their individualistic nature. So, when it comes time to merge lives with a romantic partner, INFJs are met with excitement but also extreme challenges. They may find it difficult to adapt to the way their partner does certain things, such as cooking and cleaning and may find themselves correcting their partner to do things their way. In fact, even the simplest things that throw off the environment for an INFJ can cause annoyance because INFJs have a method beyond every madness. So, while it may not seem important to put their tweezers in the exact spot they were found, there's probably a reason they were there in the first place. Not to mention, aside from the physical aspect of living with someone, INFJs can also be very influenced by other people’s energies - making sharing space all that more difficult.

Number 8:

They are never truly revealed If you’ve ever heard the INFJ onion analogy, we’re here to confirm its truth. They say it takes years for an INFJ to fully open up to someone. But do they really ever open up fully? Not exactly. INFJs have a particularly mysterious essence about them that never really fully gets resolved. In fact, when someone is in a romantic partnership with this private type, there usually comes a point where they stop trying to figure the INFJ out, and just accept the unknown for what it is. Of course, with INFJ's deep morals of being honest and truthful, they wouldn’t necessarily lie about anything they’re involved in, nor would they leave out crucial details about their lives. But when it comes to emotions and thought processes, they’re not so quick to share. This can definitely erk some personality types.. especially within a double INFJ relationship, where both parties are eager to decode the other, yet both parties are also hesitant to share information.