Ahh.. the notorious INFJ door slam. The seemingly harsh action of an INFJ shutting someone out of their lives for good may seem unfair to some when in reality it’s used solely as an act of self-love for an INFJ to defend their precious energetic gifts. So, what exactly is an INFJ door slam and what do most people not understand about this powerful INFJ move?
Number 1:
It is a defense mechanism to protect INFJ energy Some people may question how the caring and loving INFJ is capable of such a harsh action of suddenly shutting people out of their lives for eternity. Well.. the INFJ doesn’t use door slamming in a malicious way, in fact, they will probably take every measure to have the door slam played out in the most civil way possible. Instead, they use this powerful gesture to put a halt to their continuous output of energy within a negative situation or towards a negative person. The empathic and intuitive natural abilities of the INFJ cause them to attract all sorts of people who could use an empathetic hand - even the ones who technically don’t deserve it - and sometimes this introverted personality type is too kind to set firm boundaries when stepping in to help. While they are usually a great judge of character, INFJs can easily overlook the red flags they sense from a person in order to give them the benefit of the doubt which makes it easy for toxic people to weasel their way into an INFJ connection. So, although they may not set their boundaries from the start, sooner or later, after a lot of inputted energy, they may feel it’s necessary to end the connection fair and square.
Number 2:
Abusive behavior is the main culprit while there are numerous different reasons why an INFJ may choose to follow through with a door slam, it all boils down to disrespect and abusive behaviors - 2 things INFJs will never tolerate. Besides the fact that the introspective INFJ has their own set of morals that they hold true to their heart, they can also sense when there is something fishy going on within a connection. Since they understand humans on a level to which they can forgive and relate to people’s mistakes - the mistakes that others may not be so understanding about - the INFJ will only cut someone out for continuous emotional abuse towards themselves or someone they love. Abusive behavior won’t cause an INFJ to run right away, because after all, INFJs don’t really want to resort to the dreaded door slam and may even take abusive behavior as a challenge to help the disturbed individual. Yet, there always comes a time when an INFJ knows that saying good-bye is their answer to their own restored energy and mental health.
Number 3:
There are countless efforts behind every door slam INFJs are sensitive, but they are also very understanding. So, although it may seem as if INFJs resort to door slamming to avoid having to deal with further conflict in the heat of the moment, that’s not quite how door slamming works. If an INFJ resorts to door slamming someone out of their lives, you can be sure that there were countless attempts and efforts to rekindle the connection or solve the issue that’s at hand. In fact, more often than not, INFJs give the benefit of the doubt towards a negative situation or person for much longer than it’s due, so by the time the door slam rolls around, an INFJ has usually detached themselves from the emotion of cutting that person off because they have so much baggage to fuel the necessary door slam. During the contemplation phase of a door slam, an INFJ may even demonstrate ‘test-run door slams or periods of distancing themselves from that person in order to feel the change in energy without that person around so that they are 100% confident in their decision.
Number 4:
There can be a second chance When an INFJ has reached their final decision to follow through with a door slam, there is no changing their mind. They’ve already been through the emotional ups and downs of making such a decision, and there's no going back once they’ve reached their cold and calm door slam state. But what about rekindling a connection that was the previous door slammed? Well, the door slam may not be as permanent as it may seem. Most INFJs tend to hold onto anger and resentment long after someone has apologized for the sole reason that they can take it really hard when someone they trust has let them down. Luckily, aside from that fact, overall INFJs are very forgiving and understanding people and if down the road, the shut-out person appears to have changed for the better, an INFJ won’t hesitate to give someone a second chance. While it’s not the most efficient system, as it can definitely open the door for emotional manipulators to love-bomb their way back into an INFJs life, it all comes from a place of love and empathy for humans - a function that INFJs can’t control. Of course, the rekindled connection will come with a hefty set of boundaries and skepticism, maybe even causing an INFJ to keep this person at a healthy distance to avoid regaining the closeness they once had.
Number 5:
It NOT easy for an INFJ When it comes to the INFJ door slam, the real question is, who ends up more hurt? The INFJ or the abuser? Well, while the abuser may be lost and hopeless because they lost their most valuable lifeline, an INFJ can take the situation personally. A true door slam takes a good amount of contemplation and numerous exhausting attempts at saving the relationship before finding the courage to really follow through. In fact, the process leading up to a door slam usually takes months on end for an INFJ to mentally configure whether or not they should be pouring more energy into the situation, or completely pulling every ounce of their effort out of it. The breaking point is usually when an INFJ realizes that if they don’t remove this person completely, they may be too upset to let go of them in the future - and this decision does not come lightly. INFJs want to believe in people but even the strongest individuals can only take so much pain, eventually leading them to their last and only option of letting go of the source that is causing all of their pain and misery.
0 Comments