Why You're Not Who You Think You Are

 

 When you look in the mirror, who do you see? A mother? A daughter?   A wife? A father? A son? A husband? Or do you just see You? Truth is, you weren’t always a mother, you are only a mother because you had a child,   you were not always a daughter, you are only a daughter because you were birthed,   you were not always a wife, you are only a wife because you have a husband.   So if everything you believe yourself to be, is conditional and dependent on something outer.. who really are you? 

A mother, a daughter, or a wife? Many of us go through life not knowing how to answer this simple yet complicated question of who we really are. And so, we are constantly creating identities for ourselves,   consequently getting further and further away from knowing your true self. Until you realize your true self, you will go through life playing different roles to fit in with certain situations. Then there are roles that run much deeper than the daily life roles we play,   such as people who define themselves as a very caring person or a very hard worker that can’t seem to figure out why others don’t work as hard. According to the pristine blog, Psychology Today, If we take these self-identifiers and break them down, we usually find that the person who claims they are very caring may be so overly caring because they have underlying guilt.

 The only reason they care so much is that they think if nobody else cares about this, it won’t get done and you can’t have that happen.   And sometimes if we look into this even deeper, we find that this very caring person that is actually just very guilty actually resents having to care so much. So at this point,   which part of this individual is really them? Are they caring, guilty, or resenting? Or what about the very hard worker. Why are they working so hard? Do they fear not having the funds to pay for the life they want? Do they fear that everyone around them isn’t capable of doing the job to their expectations? Or do they just need an escape from the life they have at home?   And if we dive deeper into the situation of a hard worker,   we may find that they actually resent having to work so hard, and wish everyone around them would pick up their slack. So who is this individual?

 A hard worker, a lost soul, or a control freak? And then, there are roles that people subconsciously play, for example, the victim role. This classic role refers to people going through their lives feeling victimized by the world and everyone in it, believing everything and everyone is out to get them.   It is known in psychology that these people actually create a life for themselves that they are needed to play the victim such as; attracting abusive spouses, attracting disrespectful bosses,   etc. So are these people victims or is it all just a role they play in their minds? Some people may even decide to change themselves or should I say,   their life-roles entirely. This usually happens after a big life-changing event or crisis such as the loss of a loved one, the changing of careers, or something as simple as having a baby. So,   if our self-identity is based solely on the roles we play, yet the roles we play are so easy to alter, then who we are is always changing - in fact, who we are is entirely conditional. 

The most important thing to keep in mind when asking yourself the question “who am I” is that these roles are entirely fabricated and have little to do with who you are at a subconscious,   soul level. They are not the real person hiding behind all of the roles we attach to ourselves. These roles are actually disguises and distractions we learn to use at an early age as a   coping and defense mechanism. Once we realize that this coping mechanism can get us what we want, or have people view us the way we want, we begin to use them as identification for ourselves.   For example, children know that if they are “a good little girl or boy for mommy,   they will get a cookie after dinner”. 

Also Read: 8 Incredible Facts About INFJ Intuition

So, now they know if they put on the good little girl or boy mask a couple of hours before dinner by being helpful, good listeners, etc. they will get what they want. They aren’t necessarily helpful, or good at listening   (most children aren’t), but they can definitely play that role for a while to be rewarded. So, in the end, the question “Who am I?” can be answered by saying we are all made up of thoughts, patterns- behaviors, opinions, and feelings. And these things may and will change many times throughout our lives. Who we are is never quite set in stone, and even if you know yourself on a spiritual or soul level, you will always be learning and growing through life.   The real question should be, “Who am I right now”?